What to Do When Someone Says They're Not Ready for a Relationship

It's no secret: Relationships are all about timing. Sometimes, after going on a few dates with someone, you may be ready to make things official. However, your partner may be a bit more hesitant, mentioning to you that they're not ready to be a relationship. If you've already started to envision a life with this person—and were even in the process of deleting your dating apps—hearing these words can be disappointing, as well as confusing. While they may not be able to commit to you right now, it can be difficult to know whether such a possibility exists in the future. You may be asking yourself if you should wait for them—or if you should walk away.

Ultimately, every person will choose a different approach. What's most important is picking the path that feels right to you. "You should not wait past the point of healthy boundaries that you set for yourself," says Bree Jenkins, a marriage and family therapist. "Obviously, love and relationships are not one size fits all, so every couple will have a different path to commitment, and there is wiggle room, but not excessive amounts." In short, it's up to you to assess what makes the most sense for your life and situation.

However, you may need a little help navigating such a decision. Below, the experts outline the key factors to consider before determining whether you stay or walk away. Read on for more.

Why You May Decide to Stay With Someone Who Isn't Ready for a Relationship: 2 Key Reasons

Here, the experts highlight two common reasons why you may decide to stay with someone who isn't ready for a relationship.

You Want to Respect Their Timeline

Maybe they just came out of a long-term relationship, don't move as quickly as you do, or are in the middle of a life transition. Depending on what your partner is currently going through, waiting until they're ready for a relationship can show that you respect their timeline. "Some life transitions are not as suited for new relationships," Jenkins says. "There can be bad timing to begin a relationship (end of an education program, right after divorce or childbirth, during a difficult unemployment period, etc.). Of course, some of the best emotional connections can be built during our most vulnerable times, so it's not a rule to avoid relationships during difficult periods. But it certainly is valid why a person may be exercising wisdom to not add a new bigger commitment to an already difficult part of their life."

However, if you're choosing to wait for someone based on their current situation, Jeremy Nicholson, a psychologist, suggests asking a few questions to determine if your person is actually willing to commit at a later date, such as if they're generally ready for a long-term commitment in the near future. "Such considerations can have an impact on both the direction and quality of your future relationship together," he adds.

You'll Have More Time to Connect

A longer build-up may lead to a stronger bond down the road. With more time, you've both had the chance to have fully weigh your options, and if you do decide to commit to each other, you're free of any reservations or doubts. "Waiting can help you to learn more about your person over time and strengthen the emotional connection, so that when commitment is made, people feel more prepared for what the relationship will look like and be more willing to meet the standards of a healthy and loving relationship," Jenkins says.

Linda Bloom, a licensed clinical social worker, echos that sentiment, adding that healthy commitment requires a process of building and cultivating. "The ease that comes from being securely bonded is a great asset, not only to our relationship but also to our life in general," she says. "The higher trust level gives us peace of mind." In fact, rather than rushing into a major commitment, taking it slow builds a connection that you'll both strive to maintain down the road.

Why You May to Decide to Leave Someone Who Is Not Ready for a Relationship: 3 Key Reasons

However, staying with someone who says they're not ready for a relationship isn't always the best course of action. Here are some of the reasons why you may choose to step outside of such a dynamic.

You Don't Want to Emotionally Drain Yourself

If you're worried your partner is afraid of commitment, waiting can make you feel stressed, anxious, or unsatisfied that they aren't invested as much as you are. What's more, waiting for someone who doesn't want a relationship at all could set you up for heartbreak in the future. "It's important to set a boundary for yourself on how long you're willing to wait, go with the flow, etc.," Jenkins says. Make sure you take time to consider whether this person is actually worth waiting for—or if you're just standing by to see the outcome. Ultimately, walking away to protect your own emotions may be the best option.

You Don't Want to Be Closed Off to Other People

Waiting for your partner could prevent you from pursuing, or being available to date, other people. "If you aren't dating [your person], but expect to be exclusive with your time, affection, sexual intimacy, and emotional investment, you are closed off to other potential connections without the other person being as invested as you desire them to be," Jenkins says. "That doesn't create a very emotionally safe dynamic." By walking away, you'll have the ability to see people who may be ready for such a relationship.

You Want to Avoid Waiting Forever

Unfortunately, some waiting periods never end, which is why it's important to discuss your desires with your partner to ensure you're not waiting indefinitely. Ultimately, it's up to you to decide how long is too long to wait and set clear boundaries from there. Nicholson also suggests taking note of the way your person interacts with you to see if a relationship is on their mind. "Generally, individuals who are ready for a commitment tend to behave in ways that are more open toward their partner and that enhances the relationship," he says.