How to Plan a Chinese Tea Ceremony for Your Wedding

The tea ceremony is one Chinese wedding tradition that has remained relevant to this day: Although the custom has existed for centuries, many modern Chinese couples continue to incorporate this ritual into their nuptials. This meaningful and symbolic event includes a demonstration of mutual respect among to-be-weds and their elders, through serving tea, while also signifying the two family's unification. Not to mention, the Chinese expression “drinking a daughter-in-law’s tea”—which references the tea ceremony—represents a wedding, which goes to show just how important this tradition continues to be.

If you want to honor you or your partner's Chinese culture by hosting a tea ceremony before your wedding, it's important to understand the logistics, so you can plan accordingly. Chances are, this is your first time organizing this affair, so you might be wondering what the event actually entails, plus where to hold it, who to invite, and what tea to serve, among other details.

To help you plan a moving and culturally significant Chinese tea ceremony, we spoke to Sharon Au, who owns her eponymous wedding consultancy in Hong Kong, about this ritual. Read on for everything to know about this Chinese wedding tradition, including logistics and planning tips.

What Is the Chinese Tea Ceremony?

The Chinese tea ceremony is a Chinese wedding tradition in which to-be-weds serve tea to their elders (parents and future in-laws, but sometimes, grandparents, aunts, and uncles, too) to demonstrate respect, representing the couple's gratitude and the union of two families. This ritual takes place on the wedding day, often inside of the couple’s respective family homes. During the event, the engaged duo—who is dressed in traditional garb—kneels before their older relates, who are seated in chairs, and gives them cups of tea, with the help of attendants (usually bridesmaids). After drinking the tea, the elders will place their cups back on the tray and give the future newlyweds red envelopes with money, signifying their stamp of approval.

The History and Meaning of the Chinese Tea Ceremony

The origins of the tea ceremony go as far back as the Tang dynasty in China (618-907 AD)—Princess Wencheng’s marriage to Tibetan emperor Songtsen Gampo was one of the earliest recorded tea ceremonies in history.

Today, however, Au explains that most individuals view the tea ceremony as a symbol of the families recognizing and accepting the new person into their family, which she says is especially true for the groom's side. Modern duos also look to this ritual as a way to express their gratitude to their parents, future in-laws, and any other older relatives if applicable. “It means, ‘I am marrying into this family. I will show my respect by serving tea to the elders,'" Au notes.

How to Plan the Chinese Tea Ceremony

Wondering how to throw your own Chinese tea ceremony? Follow these planning tips to orchestrate an unforgettable affair.

Make Your Guest List

Traditionally, the couple's parents and future in-laws attend the Chinese tea ceremony. Sometimes, though, the duo may choose to include their grandparents, aunts, and uncles, as well. Since the bridesmaids play a role in the ceremony, along with any other attendants, they'll also make the guest list. Before you invite your attendees, speak to your families first about their preferences.

Choose a Time and Place

In Hong Kong, where the majority of weddings feature a blend of Chinese and Western customs, the tea ceremony for the bride’s side is conducted at her family home on the morning of the wedding day, Au explains. Tradition calls for the groom and his groomsmen to pick her up before they head over to the groom's family home, so they can hold the tea ceremony for his side of the family. Doing this in one go is “the best way,” Au says. You're also free to choose a different time and location that works better for you.

Buy the Tea

While the traditional teas include oolong, black, and puerh tea, most couples choose a type of tea based on their own personal preferences, according to Au. No matter what kind of hot beverage you go with, red dates, lotus seeds, and lily will be added to the mix, signifying luck, fertility, and longevity, respectively. Note that the bride's family is usually the one who pays for the tea.

Gather and Arrange the Materials

Chinese tea ceremonies typically include a tea table with a Chinese-style tea set (a kettle, a teapot, tea cups, and a tray), chairs for the elders to sit on, comfortable cushions for the couple to kneel on, and decorations with the "double happiness" Chinese character. Your décor can be as elaborate as you'd like, though. One couple, for example, hosted a tea ceremony with their parents in Lake Como before their colorful wedding, which included velvet chairs situated beneath a canopy of bougainvillea and traditional lanterns. Whatever adornments you go with, the bride's family is traditionally responsible for the cost.

Select Your Attire

During the Chinese tea ceremony, the bride will usually wear a cheongsam, also known as the qipao, which is a close-fitting, shapely dress that Chinese women traditionally wear. The groom often wears a simple suit with a red tie, a red jacket with a mandarin collar, or a traditional changshan (a brocade jacket). For guests, the level of formality depends on the family, but female elders usually wear dresses, while the males sport suits.

Assign Roles

You’ll need a few people to help the Chinese tea ceremony run smoothly. During the ritual, someone will read each relative’s name (preferably in Chinese) aloud, so be sure to ask a family member or friend to do the honors. Bridesmaids are often the attendants, who prepare the tea, hand over the teacups, and wash the china, but you can also ask relatives to execute this job to make it a family-only event.

How to Execute the Chinese Tea Ceremony

Once you’ve acquired all of the materials and finalized all of the details, you’re ready to execute this pre-wedding event. Read on to figure out how to successfully pull off the Chinese tea ceremony.

The Order

During this ritual, you and your partner will each face the relative of the same gender, with the bride facing the mother on the left and the groom facing the father on the right. With the groom’s side of the family, for instance, the groom will serve his father tea, then the bride will serve her future father-in-law. Next, the groom will serve his mother, followed by the bride. They’ll follow this order for other relatives. And the whole process will start over again for the other side of the family.

The Stance

While serving tea to parents and in-laws, traditionally, the couple kneels as a sign of respect—some even kneel with their head touching the ground, Au says. However, per Au, some to-be-weds choose to forgo the kneeling tradition altogether. Whatever you decide, before making your decision, touch base with your families to gauge their thoughts and opinions.

Once you’re done giving the parents tea, you have the option of standing up and bowing before offering the drink—while holding it in both of your hands—to other relatives.  

The Wording

As you hand over the cup of tea (with both hands), you'll address the family member you are serving in kinship terms. When serving, you will say, “[kinship term], please drink the tea,” Au reveals.

The Gifts

Immediately following the ceremony, the parents will usually offer a few wise words to the couple before giving them lai see—red envelopes containing cash, a symbol of luck and good fortune. After that, the groom’s parents will offer the bride gold jewelry, most notably “dragon and phoenix bangles,” a traditional wedding accessory. It’s important for the bride to “put these on right away,” Au advises. “Otherwise, it’s seen as rude, or as if she didn’t like them.”