How Long Do Couples Date Before Getting Engaged?

Once you’ve found “the one,” you and your partner have probably started to discuss the possibility of getting engaged and ultimately tying the knot. Whether you’ve been dating for a few months or a few years, if you’re in a serious relationship that’s headed toward marriage, you’re probably wondering if there’s a “right time” for you or your partner to pop the question. After all, seeing social media friends announcing their engagement after a year together, while high school sweethearts wait for decades to make it official can cause a lot of confusion about the ideal timeline to follow. 

There’s also research that suggests that the number of years you date before taking the next big step in your partnership has a tremendous impact on the longevity of your marital status. According to a study at Emory University that surveyed 3,000 married individuals, those who dated for three or more years before getting engaged decreased the likelihood of divorce by 50 percent. But if you’ve found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with after just a few months together, should you wait?

To find out how long you should date before organizing a proposal and buying a ring, we called on a handful of relationship and dating experts, Julie Spira, Courtney Glashow, and Tabitha Azor. Below, we reveal exactly how long couples take to get engaged, based on national data, plus the recommended timeline, according to the professionals. Here, we also cover how to know if it’s the right time to put a ring on it, what relationship milestones you’ll need to hit before making the leap, and how soon is too soon to propose.

How Long Do Couples Take to Get Engaged?

Couples in the United States date for 2.5 years on average before they get engaged, according to a study by fine jewelry store Shane Co., which surveyed 3,100 engaged or married duos across the country. Although this is the midpoint, the range varies depending on a variety of factors, such as location, cultural norms, age, and personal preference. Based on the survey, Ohio has the longest dating period, with an average of four years before asking the big question. At the other end of the spectrum lies Indiana, where couples take an average of one year and three months to get engaged.

How Long the Experts Recommend You Date Before Getting Engaged

Although a nationwide average does exist, there isn’t a definitive timeline that applies to all couples. The relationship experts all agree that the right time to get engaged is ultimately what’s right for you and your partner. “There are some couples who know on the first date that they’ve found the one and get engaged quickly, while others take the time to get to know someone well before putting a ring on it,” Spira points out. Glashow says personal readiness is a large indicator of your decision. Plus, there are many external circumstances that could affect the date you decide to pop the question, like changing careers or your religious affiliation.

Even though the decision is largely yours to make, Spira highly recommends surpassing the honeymoon phase before determining whether you’re going to stay together for the rest of your lives. “Everyone puts their best foot forward during the courting stage, which is typically the first three months of the relationship,” she says. “When your relationship is brand new, you haven’t gone through the bumps on the road together, traveled on vacation together, or gone through a traumatic event, such as the death of a family member or loss of a job.” By experiencing all of the stages of dating and the ensuing ups and downs, you’ll be better prepared to commit to a lasting union.

How to Know If You’re Ready to Get Engaged

To determine the right time to get engaged, instead of waiting until you hit a certain number of months or years together, Glashow encourages you to pay attention to other factors that will more accurately signal whether or not you’re ready for this milestone. “Couples often know it’s the right time to get engaged when they both feel a strong sense of readiness, commitment, and mutual love and respect,” Glashow explains. “They may have openly discussed their future together, resolved any doubts or concerns, and feel confident in their decision to take the next step toward marriage.” 

Relationship Markers to Hit Before Getting Engaged

If you’re wondering when to upgrade your relationship status, there are certain markers you’ll need to hit, skills you’ll need to hone, and qualities you’ll need to develop before you or your partner pops the question—which are generally stronger indicators of commitment than the amount of time you’ve dated. Below, we explore each relationship milestone to achieve before you get engaged.

Demonstrating Effective Communication

How you and your partner communicate with one another speaks volumes about the nature of your relationship. It’s also one of the biggest determinants of whether you’ll be able to resolve conflicts in your marriage. Before getting engaged, the two of you should possess strong communication skills, such as actively listening to one another, respecting each other, validating what the speaker is saying, and demonstrating open body language. If you and your partner are able to talk honestly and respectfully, especially in the midst of a disagreement, you’ll be better able to handle difficulties that come your way in your marriage.

Sharing Similar Values

If you and your partner are on the same page about what you both value in your shared lives together, your relationship is strong enough to get engaged. Since these guiding principles dictate how your union functions, how you treat one another, and how you view situations, they’re pivotal for a healthy partnership and a lasting connection. By being aligned on beliefs, such as religion, boundaries, and finances, you’ll feel like the two of you operate as a unit, which will help you navigate challenges and grow together. 

Having Physical and Emotional Intimacy

Intimacy is another quality that a relationship needs to possess before it’s headed toward an engagement. Of course, being physically intimate is important for long-term partnerships, but this also means being vulnerable with one another and willingly sharing your thoughts, feelings, and struggles. When intimacy is present, you’ll feel close, connected, and understood, which increases relationship satisfaction.

Exhibiting a Sense of Commitment

In order to get engaged, the two of you will need to be committed to one another—for the long haul. This essentially means saying “yes” to a future together and discussing and agreeing on what that shared life will look like. Being fully invested in one another and your relationship will help you feel safe and secure, which is essential for a long-lasting marriage.

Planning a Future Together

Before getting engaged, you and your significant other will need to discuss marriage. Talking about the future will confirm that you’re both serious about and committed to the relationship, which builds trust. It’s also important that you and your partner share the same vision for your married lives, since being aligned will prevent arguments and help you work toward common goals.

How Soon Is Too Soon to Propose?

There isn’t a one-size-fits all rule that specifies how soon is too soon to propose, but Azor believes that any time before three to six months is rushing it. If you or your partner proposes less than three months after you’ve started dating, the two of you will still be in the honeymoon phase. During this stage, individuals tend to pay more attention to their partner’s admirable qualities and ignore any red flags, so you won’t have the ability to make an informed decision about spending your lives together. Azor also points out that if someone pops the question within a couple of months or even weeks of dating you, they are likely acting out of insecurity or may have ill intentions.

Signs That It’s Too Soon to Propose

Curious if your decision to get engaged is hurried? Here are the signs that it’s too soon to propose.

You don’t know each other well enough.

This goes without saying, but if you don’t know your partner very well, you probably shouldn’t be planning an engagement any time soon. Within a few weeks or a few months of dating them, you might really like and care about them, but you may need to wait a bit longer before deciding to marry them. With time, you’ll be able to dig deeper and you'll experience more of life together, which will help build a stronger connection that can weather any storm down the line—meaning, you won’t just throw in the towel when the going gets tough in marriage.

You have unresolved issues.

If you and your significant other are dealing with an unresolved argument, you’ll definitely want to patch that up before popping the question. You might think that a grand romantic gesture and a sparkly ring will solve whatever problem is interfering with your relationship, but without addressing the underlying issue, the tension will persist.

You have doubts about the relationship.

Having doubts about your relationship, whether it’s the uncertainty surrounding your future or your compatibility, is completely normal. What determines whether or not it’s too soon to propose is being able to openly communicate those doubts with your partner and take the right steps to resolve them. If the concerns are still glaring and persistent despite trying to work on them, that’s probably a sign you aren’t ready to get engaged.

You feel pressure from external factors.

Since you and your partner are the only ones in your relationship, choosing if and when you get engaged is a personal decision. If you’re feeling pressure from friends, family, or other external factors, like societal norms, you might find yourself getting engaged way before you’re ready. Instead of letting others’ opinions or expectations influence your choice, ask yourself if now is the right time for you.

You aren’t on the same page.

Like we mentioned before, being aligned on the same values and future vision is essential for a healthy, happy marriage. If the two of you can’t seem to agree on how many kids you want to have, how you’re going to manage your finances, or where you’re going to live, planning an engagement may be premature.

What to Do If You and Your Partner Got Engaged Too Soon

If you’ve come to the realization that a proposal happened before you were ready to put a ring on it, first and foremost, have an open and authentic conversation with your partner. Express to them that the decision to get engaged may have been a rash one—and provide an explanation: Do you feel like you know your partner only on a surface level? Do you have different goals for the future? Do you feel societal pressure because you’re “of age?” Ask your significant other how they feel and what they think, too. If they agree with your assertions or at least understand where you're coming from, great. If they aren't receptive to what you're saying, that’s a clear sign you aren't on the same page and will benefit from waiting.

After talking to your partner, push pause on any wedding plans. Instead of rushing to walk down the aisle within the year, extend your engagement. Opting for a longer engagement period will give you some much-needed time to learn more about one another and deepen your connection by spending quality time together, asking each other hard-hitting questions, and going through more experiences as a unit. By giving yourselves more time, you’ll be in the right headspace to properly assess your readiness level and revisit your decision to tie the knot.