Here's Why Grooms Traditionally Don't See the Bride Before the Wedding Ceremony

It's a well-known custom: the groom not seeing the bride before their wedding ceremony. However, nowadays, many modern couples are bucking this tradition, opting instead to do a first look ahead of their nuptials. Whether to streamline their photography timeline or share a quiet moment together before appearing in front of their guests, this modern practice can often be one of the most beautiful and sentimental moments on their big day. Yet regardless of whether you and your partner opt to do a first look or wait until your ceremony to see each other, it can be helpful to know the history behind the latter.

In general, not seeing your partner before the wedding dates back to when marriages were arranged, as it was seen as bad luck if the bride and groom met before they were at the altar. That's because people believed that the groom would call off the wedding if this pre-nuptial exchange happened if he didn't find the bride attractive. The superstition was birthed out of the desire to ensure one's son would follow through with his commitment to marry someone's daughter.

Below, we provide a complete breakdown of this tradition, as well as some alternatives to consider if you're searching for something different. Read on for more.

The History Behind the Groom Not Seeing the Bride Before the Wedding Ceremony

As mentioned above, this tradition has a less-than-romantic origin. Given that arranged marriages used to be the norm, serving more as a business deal between families rather than a love match, in addition to spending the morning of their nuptials apart, many couples didn't see or meet one another prior to saying "I do."

The arrangement was usually made by the bride's father, who wanted his daughter to marry rich to benefit his own family. However, many parents worried that if the groom saw the bride before the ceremony, he might not find her attractive and could call off the wedding—leading to serious shame for the bride and her family. To avoid risking the family's reputation, it was established that the couple wouldn't see each other until the ceremony, and a tradition was born. The veil comes into play here, too. By having a veil over the bride's face, the groom wouldn't see her until the very last moment—at the end of the ceremony once it was time to kiss. At such a point, it would be too late for him to back out of the pairing.

Today, the superstition about a bride and groom not seeing each other before the ceremony has evolved into the (much more romantic) idea that couples should allow their ceremony attire to be a surprise until they're at the altar. However, since arranged marriages are no longer the standard in today's society, some duos also opt to skip this tradition.

3 Alternatives to This Tradition

Searching for ways to make your wedding feel more personal and unique? Here are a few alternatives to consider if you're okay with seeing your partner (or other individuals) before walking down the aisle.

First Looks

Instead of waiting to see their spouse while walking down the aisle, some contemporary couples opt to incorporate a first look into their big day. "[This is] the moment you first see each other on your wedding day," say Devin Wilson and Skylar Stetten, the owners of Stetten Wilson Photography. "It is evolving into simply being a moment for the couple to appreciate each other." You still get all of the emotions of seeing your partner for the first time—but without an entire audience looking on. Usually, there's a photographer and/or videographer there to capture the moment. Afterward, your wedding party will gather for some pre-ceremony pictures.

Wilson and Stetten say they often receive questions from couples about whether or not they should do a first look. Their advice is simple: "Some couples are concerned that a first look might spoil the feeling they’re anticipating of seeing each other walking down the aisle. To this, we always say, 'Your first look should not be defined by spending the previous night apart, walking down an aisle, or staging a big reveal, it should simply be the look you give each other knowing that this is the beginning of your life together.'"

Parent-Child First Looks

If you still want to stick to the tradition of not seeing your soon-to-be spouse until the ceremony but like the idea of a first look, consider having a first look with one or both of your parents. Oftentimes, this can be just as (if not more) emotional.

Pre-Ceremony Vow Exchanges

If the thought of exchanging vows in front of your family and friends makes you nervous, consider designating a time before the ceremony for you and your partner to privately share your words of love. This is especially great if you want to spend some alone time together before the festivities commence, or if you aren't interested in complying with the vow-exchange tradition at the altar.