Do You Need to Give a Gift for a Second Marriage? An Etiquette Expert Weighs In

Any wedding is a cause for celebration, and a second marriage is no exception. However, if you’re lucky enough to be invited to attend the affair that marks a couple’s brand-new start, it’s important to understand proper etiquette, particularly when it comes to giving a gift. “It is customary to give the couple a gift for their wedding,” says Jackie Vernon-Thompson, the CEO and founder of the From the Inside-Out School of Etiquette. “It is about celebrating the new beginning. For that individual and their soon-to-be spouse, it is a new beginning, regardless of if it is their second marriage.”

Yet as second, third, and even fourth marriages become increasingly common, you may hesitate before buying something off of the registry. Do you really need to give someone a present when you’ve already done so in the past? In short, yes. “Nowadays, there are people who show up without a gift, and they are not bothered about it at all,” Vernon-Thompson says. “Simply put, that is just not proper etiquette. Life happens, lessons are learned, and this is a new beginning.” When selecting a present for the couple, she advises choosing something beautiful, meaningful, or purposeful, and staying away from anything that references their prior relationships. “Remain present and look to the future,” she adds. “Your gift should reflect hope, growth, happiness, celebration, love, and the expected happy future for the couple.” 

Below, experts break down key etiquette standards to keep in mind when giving a present for someone’s second marriage, as well as their top gifting recommendations.

Why You Should Always Give a Gift for a Second Marriage

Whether you’re celebrating one partner’s first marriage and the other’s second; a second marriage for both; or even the re-marriage of a divorced couple, giving a wedding gift is a must. “A wedding is a joyous occasion, and a gift symbolizes your support and happiness for the couple,” says Vernon-Thompson. “Giving a gift is a sign of celebration, appreciation, and support. The spouse who is experiencing their first marriage deserves the full experience. [If] both [were previously] married to different individuals, this experience with this new person is completely separate from prior experiences.  Even if the same people were marrying each other again, which happens, a gift to celebrate their new beginning is warranted.” The only scenario in which you don’t need to give a present for a second marriage is if the couple has explicitly stated “no gifts.” However, even if that’s the case, Vernon-Thompson recommends giving them a card with a congratulatory note to acknowledge their union.

If you have misgivings about the relationship—maybe you think it’s too soon, or you’re still close to one partner’s ex, or you’re irritated that you previously gave a gift for a marriage that didn’t last—it doesn’t mean you can skip the gift. “Never mind the first wedding of the individual,” says Vernon-Thompson. “They have extended an invitation to you, paid for your meal at the reception, and [asked] you to celebrate the experience with them. The least you can do is show up with a gift and be happy for them.”

The 5 Gifts to Give for a Second Wedding—and the 4 You Should Always Avoid

The standard rules of gift-giving still apply to someone’s second wedding. Regardless of whether you select an item from their registry or opt for something more creative, bring the gift to the reception or have it mailed to them in advance. The price range is also the same as it would be for someone's first marriage. How much you spend will ultimately depend on your relationship to the couple. For a coworker or acquaintance, Vernon-Thompson suggests a gift between $25 to $50; for a close friend or family member, your spend will increase to somewhere in the range of $150 to $300, depending on your budget.

Whether you choose a practical item, a sentimental keepsake, or a memorable experience, keep your focus on the couple’s future—not their pasts. “The idea is to make the couple feel special, and the gift has nothing to do with the previous marriage(s) or experiences,” says Vernon-Thompson. “Always remember your gift is to contribute to their happiness and evolve your relationship with them, not to offend, demean, or sever your relationship.”

Give: Monogrammed Items

Regardless of whether the couple plans to share the same last name or not, items monogrammed with their initials or names are a reliable present. “It is always great to give the new couple something with their name engraved on it—a beautiful frame, flute glasses with their initials, monogrammed towels or robes, or even a blanket,” says Vernon-Thompson.

Give: Money

“You can never go wrong in giving money,” says Vernon-Thompson. “Giving money allows them flexibility in purchasing what they need or desire. The money can be contributed to the expense of the honeymoon or to something both of them have always wanted to do.”

Give: A Charitable Donation

If the happy couple is financially secure, and you would feel awkward handing over cash or a check, make a contribution to their favorite non-profit—like the rescue shelter where they adopted their dog or the after-school program where they both volunteer.

Give: A Shared Experience

Experiential gifts—like a long-weekend trip to their favorite hotel, a couples spa treatment, or a gift card for a zip line tour on their honeymoon—are also welcome ways to celebrate a marriage, says Vernon-Thompson. Such a purchase also makes for a good group gift. “If experiences seem more appropriate, pool together with friends to offer a charter or an extravagant experience,” says Rebecca Gardner of Houses and Parties. “If they're headed to a resort afterwards, you might weasel your way in with their concierge to pay for massages, private dining, or something off-beat that's particular to the destination.”

Give: Elevated Homeware

Most couples embarking on a second marriage have all the home goods they really need, which makes this the ideal time to give them something they want. “Many second marriages occur during a ‘post-acquisition’ phase of life, where the basics are covered, so I enjoy giving something that adds on thoughtfully to the couple's entertaining set,” says Gardner. She will subtly check out the couple’s current stock of barware months before the wedding, then choose surprise add-ons; favorites include handblown latticino glassware, goblets, and pitchers by Tracy Glover (which make a better choice than the “paper towel dispensers they should absolutely not be registered for,” she says). 

Avoid: Not-So-Funny Joke Gifts

Check the wording carefully before you choose a snarky card or an engraved item that might be taken as a reference to the previous relationship; your focus should remain on the newlyweds and their ensuing happiness. “Be careful with the verbiage stated on any gift; make sure it is not sarcastic or condemning,” says Vernon-Thompson.

Avoid: Marriage Advice Books

You might think wrapping up a book with tips for a happy and successful marriage is a thoughtful and intentional way to support a second marriage (or get a few laughs), but Vernon-Thompson says to resist that impulse, noting that such a present could come off as offensive. 

Avoid: The Same Gift You Gave for Someone's First Marriage

There are exceptions to this rule—for example, if you gave money for the first marriage, and do the same for the second; if you gave a vase the first time and picked a different one off the couple’s registry for the second—but you shouldn’t choose the exact same item you gave them for their previous marriage. “It is appropriate to have a mindset of newness when choosing the ideal gift,” says Vernon-Thompson. “It is not appropriate to give the same gift that was given at the first wedding.”

Avoid: Purely Practical Home Goods

Mark the happy milestone of a second wedding with one-of-a-kind splurges, Gardner says. That may be with a set of vintage patterned bowls, a “something blue” lampshade, or hand-embroidered placemats. “A marriage (no matter the number) is a reason to celebrate, so generosity is a form of applause that should come naturally,” she says. “[Avoid] anything overtly utilitarian and non-aspirational: Couples can buy their own kitchen sponges.”