Key Takeaways
- A Reddit user detailed how she, her boyfriend, and her mother all RSVPed "yes" to a wedding, but two of three attendees didn't arrive on the big day due to work schedules and illness.
- The bride wanted to charge no-show guests, which the original poster found tacky.
- Reddit users and BRIDES editors agree that being a no-show guest is only acceptable in certain instances, such as illness, and while it's not necessarily etiquette-approved to charge guests, attendees who didn't go should at least send a gift.
If there's one thing more frustrating for a couple than tracking down late wedding guest RSVPs, it's realizing that family members and friends who responded "yes" to the invitation aren't actually attending the celebration. It's not just about wanting your loved ones to celebrate with you (although that's certainly part of it): By not attending a wedding your RSVPed to, you're costing the couple (and their vendor team) time and money. In a viral Reddit post, one guest detailed how an upset bride is trying to charge no-show guests, and the internet is divided over who is right and who is wrong.
In a post on Reddit's /weddingshaming thread, a poster noted that she, her boyfriend, and her mother all let a couple know they're be present on their wedding day. However, when the big day arrived, her boyfriend couldn't attend due to "work scheduling issues" and her mom was "too sick to make it." "The bride gets upset saying she spent 50 bucks per plate and she cant believe they're not coming when we RSVP," the poster wrote. "She told me she's tempted to ask them to pay 50 dollars each for not coming!"
Courtesy of Minted
The guest also noted that her partner and mom weren't "the only ones to miss her wedding either." "Maybe she was mad she lost out on the money," the original poster mused. "She sounded so tacky though. For reference, this was an out of town wedding in Minnesota where we all had to fly in. It cost a lot to even make her wedding."
So, who was in the right and who was wrong? If you're too sick to attend someone's wedding, that's an appropriate reason to back out at the last minute, but sending your heartfelt regrets (and ideally, a gift) is important. You don't want to get anyone else sick, but it's also kind to let the couple know why you couldn't be there, how sad you were to miss the celebration, and to give the same gift you would have had you attended.
As for the boyfriend who could no longer attend due to his work schedule? That's an unacceptable reason not to be there. When you accept an invitation to a wedding, especially one that you'll have to travel for, you should confirm that you can honor that commitment—if you need to request the time off work, you should do that (and have it approved) before you let the couple know you'll be there. Of course, there are situations outside of your control for certain professions, like those who work in healthcare or public safety.
But is it acceptable to charge no-show guests? Ultimately, the editors at BRIDES say no. If you're very lucky, everyone who RSVPed "yes" will be there on the big day, but couples should come to terms with the fact that there more than likely be a few people who can't come due to extenuating circumstances. While this is frustrating, it's something to come to terms with ahead of the big day.
Most Reddit users agree that "flaking out" on an RSVP is tacky, but so is asking guests to cover the cost of their plates. "RSVPing yes to a wedding and then flaking out is super rude. It's rude that she's talking about charging, and your mom gets a pass for being sick, but just not showing up because of poor planning is a d*** move," one user wrote. Another added, "I mean, yeah, she probably is mad that you made her spend money unnecessarily. That's a reasonable thing to be upset about. Obviously being sick can't be helped, but your boyfriend was rude and should have at least sent a cash gift to compensate the trouble of adding unnecessary expense."
