Key Takeaways
- Choose a wedding gift based on how close you are to the couple and your budget.
- Always send a gift if you're attending the wedding, but it's okay to skip it if you're not.
- Stick to the couple's registry unless you know their preferences well for a meaningful gift.
Whether it's the first or fiftieth wedding you've been asked to attend, receiving an invitation for such a celebration is always such an honor. Everyone has their favorite parts of such an affair. You may love listening to the couple exchange vows before tearing up the dance floor later that evening—or you may enjoy a creative dress code and hearing the reception speeches. However, there's another key component of this day that's just as crucial as these picturesque moments: giving a gift. Yet even if you're aware of this time-honored tradition, it can be difficult to know all of the rules and customs associated with it. Are you suppose to give a gift to the couple? How much should you spend on such a present? Can you select something that's not on the registry—or do you need to stick to the pair's list?
To answer these questions, we turned to Elaine Swann, an etiquette expert, to weigh in on wedding-gift etiquette rules and customs you should know before attending anyone's nuptials. With her advice, you’ll be wishing the happy couple well with the perfect (and most appropriate) present possible.
The Amount You Spend on a Gift Depends on Your Relationship to the Couple
Simply put, there is no set number that guests need to stick to when purchasing a wedding gift. You should do what feels right for your budget and personal situation. However, traditionally, how much you spend on a wedding gift should vary based on your relationship with the couple, Swan says. “I always like to look at it like an onion,” she said. “The closer to the core, the more you would spend on the couple.” If you don’t know the couple well (maybe you're a coworker or a friend of the couple's parents), there is no need to spend more extravagantly. Yet if you do know the couple well (perhaps you're a friend who sees them all the time or a close cousin), it's normal to spend as much as $200 (or more, depending on your budget) per person on your present.
Here's a quick rundown of how much you should spend on a wedding gift based on your relationship to the couple:
Your Colleague or Distant Acquaintance: $25-$50
If you're attending a wedding for a colleague or distant acquaintance, gift within this range (it's perfectly acceptable, especially if you aren't bringing a date). This is also a suitable amount for any young person fresh out of college or who's just starting their career. As always, spend what you can—your budget comes first.
Your Cousin, Friend, or Coworker: $50-$150
This is the most common money range for wedding gifts. You'll spend this amount on a cousin, friend, or coworker.
Your Close Friend or Immediate Family Member: $150-$250
If your budget allows, this is a good range to reserve for close friends and immediate family members. This is a particularly good range to adhere to if you are bringing a plus-one.
Your Best Friend or Part of a Group Gift: $250-$500
Similarly, you're welcome to spend this (generous) amount on a couple you're especially close with—but this is also an ideal money range for a group gift. For example, you can pool funds with your cousins, sorority sisters, or college soccer team to purchase a high-cost item off the couple's registry.
Your Child: $500-$1,000
You probably won't spend this much money on a wedding gift unless you're a parent of the bride or groom. Even still, this gift amount is incredibly generous and is typically not expected.
If You're Attending a Wedding, You Should Give a Gift
As a wedding guest, you should always give a gift. However, the amount you spend on a present is flexible. Personal budget constraints are a perfectly valid reason to not get an over-the-top wedding present, but you should still give something as an attendee. Spend what you can based on your financial situation and always give or send the couple a note wishing them well.
But if you aren't attending a wedding? In most cases, you don't have have to send a wedding gift; this is particularly true if you RSVP no to a coworker or distant relative's nuptials. However, if you're close to the couple but can't attend due to scheduling conflict, you may still want to send a present. In that case, sending a gift off of the registry before the event is best; refer to the above guidelines when deciding how much to spend.
Cash Is an Acceptable Wedding Present
Many modern couples have lived together for years before marrying. As a result, they may ask you to contribute to a honeymoon or house fund in lieu of gifts. Even if a couple doesn't make such an ask, cash is acceptable wedding present. Just make sure to include a card with a heartfelt note.
Photo by The Times We Have
You Don't Need to Bring Your Gift With You
Some people still bring gifts to the actual wedding, but that practice is quickly going out of fashion. “Because of the popularity of online shopping more people are having gifts shipped directly to the couple,” says Swann. If you want to bring a gift to the actual wedding, check with the wedding party first to make sure there will be a table set up for that. You don't want your present to have the unintended consequence of stressing out the couple on their big day—and ultimately, lugging heavy gifts back to a car isn't anyone's idea of a fun way to end the night.
If you're planning to give a financial gift, bringing a card with a check or cash to the wedding itself is perfectly appropriate.
You Need to Send a Wedding Gift Within Three Months of the Celebration
Per traditional etiquette, wedding guests have up to one year to send a wedding gift. And while that is technically still okay, it's best to send big-day presents promptly. Aim to sending your wedding gift within three months of their celebration. However, sending it ahead of the couple's nuptials or bringing it on the day of (if you're giving them cash) is always best. “My recommendation, if you do not send the gift right when you receive the invite, [is that] you should send it as close to the wedding day as possible,” Swann suggests. "Your goal is to make sure the gift arrives prior to the wedding day.”
Don't forget to leave time for unexpected shipping delays. While it's better to have your gift arrive sooner rather than later if you leave it to the last minute, don't fret. The couple will still be happy to get your gift even if it arrives after their big day.
Try to Stick to the Registry If Possible
In theory, you can purchase a gift that’s not on the registry. However, while there's no rule that you have to buy a gift the couple has selected for themselves, there are some times when it's okay to stray from the registry—and others when it's not. If you know the couple well and are familiar with their tastes and preferences, feel free to pick out something for them, but if you don't know the couple well (or at all), it's always safer to stick to the registry. Also, if you don't have a particular present in mind, don't just buy something random off the gift list (like glassware or a cooking bowl.) “Make sure you select something meaningful to the couple,” said Swann. If your gift doesn't have significance to it, pick something off the registry instead.
