14 Royal Wedding Etiquette Rules and Traditions to Steal for Your Own Big Day

Looking to add some royal flair to your big day? While royal weddings may have an over-the-top quality of pomp and ceremony (which you'd expect, considering the fact that millions tune in for the fanfare), the good news is that many of their traditions are actually quite modest—and attainable for the everyday couple. “A lot of royal customs can be incorporated into wedding planning, regardless of budget, location, or religion,” says Courtney Opalko, an etiquette trainer and founder of Courtney Opalko Etiquette. “In fact, what stands out most about royal rituals is that they’re really simple at heart, emphasizing the links between generations, service and duty, and the personal taste of the bride and groom.”

While royal weddings have become inspiration for nuptials that happen stateside, American wedding trends have plenty of influence of their own, say our experts. According to Mark Niemierko, the founder of Niemierko Wedding and Event Planners, American trends are actually informing British celebrations over royal wedding rules and traditions. Take the double reception standard, for example; at royal celebrations, a luncheon directly follows the service before a larger party takes place that evening. “A late-morning wedding makes for a very long day when there’s also a reception at night. Today, many of my clients are planning later afternoon ceremonies,” says Niemierko, adding that English couples are also now incorporating the American tradition of having bridesmaids walk in front of the bride, making her debut more impactful (in the U.K., and at royal weddings, the bride processes in first). “The American idea of a rehearsal dinner and extending the wedding celebration over a period of days are also becoming popular in the U.K.,” adds Niemierko, “as is having lots of bridesmaids.”

With that said, royal nuptials—and their unique traditions and rules—will forever be a roadmap for couples celebrating their weddings all over the globe. Ahead, etiquette and wedding experts alike share how brides can add a royal touch to their own weddings.

Asking for Permission to Wed

Any royal that sits within the immediate line of succession—up to sixth in line—is required to get permission from the monarch to marry. While you probably aren't related to anyone who requires that level of oversight, the matriarchs and patriarchs in your own family often want to be included in these conversations. “Including parents in the process, whether it is by asking permission or sharing the news of an engagement with them first, is a wonderful way to honor families and help them feel part of this special moment,” adds Opalko.

Formal Engagement Announcements

Royal engagements are always formally announced. “The couple would first inform the monarch and the rest of their families of their engagement. It would be expected that the royal couple would then share the happy news with the current prime minister before the engagement was formally announced to the public,” says Opalko. “When announced, the couple is likely to do an interview and in modern times, official portraits are taken to be shared with the media and across social platforms. The important takeaway is to inform and share the news with family and friends before sharing more publicly.”

You aren't going to hold a press conference when you get engaged, but you likely already do have plans to participate in this process in a similar way. “American couples may want to follow the royal tradition of commissioning a professional engagement portrait, which they can use in wedding announcements and on social media,” suggests Liz Wyse, an etiquette adviser at Debrett’s Limited. 

Seasonal, Local Flowers (and Myrtle)

Royal brides carry bouquets that frequently feature seasonal flowers. “Queen Victoria married in February and had snowdrops at her wedding while Queen Elizabeth, the Queen Mother, married in April and featured lily of the valley at her nuptials,” says Wyse. Myrtle, a flower that symbolizes love and purity, is another royal favorite. “It was grown at the holiday home of Queen Victoria and she was the first member of the royal family to use it in her floral bouquet,” says Opalko. “It’s been included in every royal wedding bouquet since.”

Using flowers that hold symbolic meaning is another royal wedding tradition. “[Kate Middleton] incorporated the colorful ‘Sweet William’ flower as a nod to her new husband while [Meghan Markle] carried forget-me-knots in honor of Princess Diana,” says Opalko. “Brides can use the Victorian language of flowers to better understand the meaning behind the different types of flowers and use that knowledge to add a special touch to their bouquets.”

Children-Only Wedding Parties

At royal celebrations, wedding parties are primarily made up of mostly children—flower girls, page boys, and ring bearers—since they’re considered beacons of joy and innocence. The children chosen are often godchildren, nieces, nephews, and the offspring of close friends and families. “American couples shouldn’t shy away from including young children in their wedding parties. While they can be unpredictable, children add a certain charm to the ceremony,” affirms Opalko. 

A departure from stateside nuptials, royal weddings do not typically have a maid of honor or best man. “The inclusion of Pippa Middleton as a maid of honor for the Princess of Wales' wedding to Prince William was an exception,” says Niemierko.

Midday Ceremonies

Royal weddings typically take place midday, and are followed by a luncheon (known as the wedding breakfast) and, later on, an evening reception. “There’s something pretty fabulous about a late morning wedding and a mid-day lovely lunch,” says Fallon Carter, the founder and creative director of Fallon Carter Events. “Couples get to take advantage of all the beautiful natural light at that time of the day.”

Wedding Dresses With Good Luck Charms

The tradition of wearing a white or ivory wedding dress began with Queen Victoria, who chose an ivory silk gown and a floral crown of orange blossoms on her wedding day. These dresses often feature connections to their family, country, and commonwealth. “Many royal dresses have featured appliqués, beadwork, or emblems highlighting flowers and other symbols that represent their country,” says Opalko. Royal brides also often have a charm sewn into the lining of their wedding dress for good luck. “The late Queen Elizabeth II chose a clover leaf, Princess Diana a horseshoe brooch and the Princess of Wales, a blue ribbon,” shares Laura Windsor, the founder of the Laura Windsor Etiquette Academy.

Gold Wedding Bands

Royals' wedding rings are made from a nugget of pure Welsh gold from the Clogau St. David’s mine in Wales, a tradition that began with the wedding of Queen Elizabeth the Queen Mother. “The Queen Mother, Queen Elizabeth II, Princess Margaret, Princess Anne, Princess Diana, and [the current] Princess of Wales all had their wedding bands made from the same nugget. Yet only a tiny sliver of this remains,” says Windsor. “More recent royal wedding bands were made from a new nugget to uphold the tradition.”

The presence of pure Welsh gold can be identified by the Welsh dragon stamp and other unique marks that denote a genuine piece of Clogau. “Welsh gold holds up to thirty times more value than any other gold in the world," says Windsor, who notes that, while rare, it is possible for couples to find this gold type. "Wedding bands containing authentic Welsh gold can be purchased at reasonable prices nonetheless,” she affirms.

Traditional Family Portraits

Typically, an official royal family portrait is taken between the ceremony and the reception that includes both families, the flower girls, and the page boys. “Additional photos of smaller family groups and pictures of the couple also take place at this time,” says Opalko. “Organizing formal portraits between the ceremony and reception is a great way to ensure group photos are done before the party gets started.” 

Two Receptions (With Different Guest Lists)

As mentioned, royal weddings technically have two receptions. The first takes place after the ceremony and is called the “wedding breakfast” (despite being more of a luncheon menu and taking place in the afternoon). It’s followed by an evening reception that includes a slimmed down guest list and dancing. “There’s a ‘tiered’ approach to guest invites, with many people being asked to the ceremony as a gesture of good will, including locals who have supported the royal’s charity work and the community, and then a paired down invite list limited to intimate friends and family at the evening reception,” says Opalko. 

Cocktail-Style Receptions With Canapé Menus

The daytime reception is generally a stand-up party for a large number of guests, who consume a wide selection of canapés, such as smoked salmon blinis, langoustines with lemon mayonnaise, smoked haddock fishcakes, miniature Yorkshire pudding with roast beef, poached asparagus with hollandaise sauce, and pressed duck terrine with fruit chutney. This is followed by a range of truffles and tartlets, all washed down with Champagne. “Americans might find the idea of a daytime buffet-style reception useful for when there are a very large number of guests, making a sit-down lunch too cumbersome,” says Wyse.

At the evening reception, there’s normally a sit-down dinner that includes favorites such as Highland salmon appetizers, Cornish crab, Welsh lamb, and Highland beef. Royal wedding menus often feature seasonal and local specialties. “To add a royal touch to the menu, Americans can highlight local and in-season produce—a wonderful way to support local growers and businesses,” notes Opalko.

To avoid the risk of food poisoning, royals are forbidden from consuming shellfish. “This rule is occasionally relaxed when it comes to cooked shellfish—crab and langoustines were served at [Kate and Will's] wedding—but raw shellfish, such as oysters, would be a no-no,” says Windsor.

A Reduced Number of Speeches

Although the Duchess of Sussex broke tradition by giving a speech during the reception of her wedding to Prince Harry, royal speeches normally follow and are limited to the best man, father of the bride, and then the groom. “American couples may want to follow these traditions and lessen the number of speeches, reducing the strain on the audience’s patience,” says Wyse.

Fruit Cakes

A fruitcake, iced in decorative scrolls, leaves, and flowers, is the traditional choice for a royal wedding cake—but there have been other options. “Queen Victoria and Prince Albert had a multi-tiered English plum cake, a variation of a fruit cake along with additional smaller cakes so pieces could be sent to guests as a thank you afterwards,” says Opalko. “A dessert bar is another way to incorporate the royal tradition of sending cake home to guests, allowing them to fill a treat bag.”

Another fun royal wedding cake ritual couples today might want to adapt? “Tradition has it that the top tier of the fruit cake is saved for the christening of the first child,” adds Niemierko.

Donating Wedding Flowers

Queen Elizabeth, the Queen Mother, established the royal wedding tradition of laying flowers at the Tomb of the Unknown Warrior. “Upon entering Westminster Abbey, the Queen Mother stopped to lay her flowers in remembrance of her brother, Fergus, who died at the Battle of Loos in 1915, and to pay tribute to the millions of others killed and injured in World War I. She was the only royal bride to walk down the aisle without her bouquet,” says Windsor. “The tradition has been slightly adapted and it is now customary for a royal bride to lay the flowers as she leaves the church.”

There are a few ways you can make this tradition your own. “A similar sentiment can be worked into an American wedding by leaving a single rose or small bouquet in an empty seat, a lovely way to recognize someone special who has passed,” suggests Opalko. “Flowers from the ceremony and reception can also be donated to a local hospice or a retirement home to be enjoyed by others.”

Getaway Cars

Leaving a wedding ceremony or reception in style has been a long-time royal tradition. “A vintage car such as the Aston Martin convertible Prince William and his bride drove off in from Buckingham Palace or the vintage Jaguar Prince Harry and Meghan drove away in after their luncheon at Windsor Castle provides a grand exit, closing down a part of the wedding with a truly optic moment,” says Carter.