13 Mistakes Guests Always Make at a Wedding, According to Planners

Being invited to a loved one’s wedding is an honor. A couple typically spends hours mulling over their guest list and often has to make cuts to it due to their venue size or budget. As a result, receiving an invitation means that the soon-to-be-newlyweds cherish your relationship with them; it’s ultimately a sign of respect—and one that deserves to be reciprocated on their big day. “Be on time, have respectful conversations, control your consumption, follow the dress code, and provide a gift,” says Chicago-based wedding planner Megan Estrada. While that doesn’t mean you can’t let loose and have fun, make sure to enjoy yourself in a way that keeps the focus on the couple. “If people are casting sideways glances your way, you might be committing a faux pas,” says Lisa Lyons, a wedding planner and etiquette expert. “The best way to avoid missteps is to do your homework: Read the invitation carefully, check the wedding website, and understand basic etiquette expectations. A little preparation goes a long way in being a thoughtful guest.”

It’s about more than just acting inappropriately: Major faux pas at weddings can have ramifications long after the fact, depending on their severity. “As a wedding planner, my job is to prevent [the couple] from having to see these faux pas, but when they do, they usually note it and mention it to me later,” Estrada says. “The guests are often shunned privately. It can certainly affect relationships if the couple sees how those guests do not respect them and their lovely event.”

Below, we outline 13 of the most common wedding guest faux pas. But if there’s ever any question, use common sense, says Michelle Norwood, a New Orleans wedding planner. “Just ask yourself: ‘Would I want this done to me if it were my wedding?’”

Delaying Your RSVP

Formal wedding invitations typically come with an RSVP card and a date by which to respond. “Make your decision before that date and respond to the invitation,” Estrada says. “Nothing causes more delays in finalizing wedding plans than guests who have not responded yet—and it’s uncomfortable for the [couple] to contact you because you have yet to respond.” Norwood adds that RSVPing accurately is equally as important; it’s too big an event to change your mind. “Not responding and then showing up, or RSVPing ‘yes’ and then being a no-show are [major faux pas],” she says. 

Writing in Your Dietary Preferences

Many RSVP cards also ask guests to select their meal in advance. Here’s where things get tricky: These inserts don’t always ask for your dietary restrictions. Ultimately, use your best judgement on whether or not to include them. “Guests are encouraged to note their dietary restrictions on the invitation response, as long as it is a true dietary restriction and not a preference,” Estrada says. “We do not typically ask about dietary restrictions on response cards because, unfortunately, it opens up a Pandora’s Box of preferences that cannot and should not be accommodated. But the couple and the caterer do need to know what food elements could make a guest sick.” If you have any concerns about what might be served, Norwood suggests eating before you arrive. 

Disregarding the Dress Code

Following the dress code is a major must, as noted by all of our experts. “Black tie means black tie—please don’t show up in cocktail attire,” Norwood says. While dress codes these days can be more complex than in the past, online resources allow you to prepare accordingly, Estrada says. You can also check the wedding website to see if the couple provided mood boards. “It is also important to note that a wedding is not the place for revealing choices, such as mini dresses, dramatic cutouts, or plunging necklines that steal the spotlight,” Lyons adds. “When in doubt, err on the side of elegance and respect for the occasion.”

Asking the Couple Last-Minute Questions

“If your invitation doesn’t mention a plus-one, you don’t have one; if the wedding is child-free, respect that,” Lyons says. These are not acceptable questions to ask the couple. “Anything that you can easily research yourself is another no-go,” she adds. “The couple has enough on their plate without fielding avoidable questions—let them focus on enjoying their engagement and their big day.” If there is something you can only ask the two of them, be sure to reach out far in advance of the wedding week.

Arriving Late to the Ceremony

“The start time is listed on the invitation—and it’s not 15 minutes later,” Norwood says. “Show up on time.” In fact, Lyons suggests planning to arrive 15 to 30 minutes before the ceremony start time. “This ensures you’re seated and settled, rather than attempting to awkwardly slip in as the wedding party is walking down the aisle,” she says. And no one should walk down the aisle after the bride. If something comes up, it’s more polite to miss the ceremony entirely than to be late, Estrada says. “If you cannot make it to the ceremony on time, just skip it,” she says. “Otherwise, you will receive unpleasant glares from the bride as she walks down the aisle.”

Pulling Out Your Camera

“Couples invest in professional photographers and videographers for a reason—you do not need to capture the shot,” Lyons says. “Not only does holding up your phone take you out of the moment, but it can also ruin a beautifully composed image. No one wants to look back on their wedding photos and see a sea of screens instead of smiling faces.” This is especially important during the ceremony and big reception moments like the first dance or speeches. “During the reception, if you want to capture something from your designated seat or after the formalities are over, fine,” Estrada says. “But be aware that your presence was requested, not your photography skills.”

Showing Up to the Reception Too Early 

Don’t be late to the ceremony, but don’t be early to the reception. “If you arrive early, you may interrupt the bride and groom as they are taking pictures or the staff setting up the reception,” Estrada says. She adds that there is no excuse for entering the reception space before being guided in. “If a bride and groom are following proper etiquette, they will have assigned you a table for seating,” she says. “There is no reason to enter a room prior to doors opening to hold a seat or to see the décor. The room is still being set up, and entering it before the grand reveal is disrespectful.” The key here: There is no fluctuation in a wedding-day timeline. Follow the details noted on the invitation for both the ceremony and reception. 

Changing Your Dinner Seat

“This happens far too often: Guests unhappy with their assigned seat attempt to move themselves, switch place cards, or even add an extra chair,” Lyons says. “What many don’t realize is that couples put significant thought into their seating arrangements, carefully considering friendships and family dynamics. Beyond social considerations, catering and venue layouts are planned down to the seat, so last-minute changes create unnecessary complications.” Remember: You’ll only be seated for an hour or so, so enjoy chatting with those next to you and then reconnect with your friends on the dance floor. “Above all, please do not vocalize your complaint,” she adds.

Similarly, don’t move any décor. “I know a guest might feel that décor is preventing them from seeing across a table or a light might be in their eye when looking a certain direction, but they have no right to touch the décor,” Estrada says. “Not only is it potentially hazardous, but the client spent a lot of time and money on their vision for the event.” 

Giving an Unannounced Speech

“If you weren’t asked to speak, please don’t grab the microphone,” Norwood says. “In that moment, you’re single-handedly ruining the couple’s day and making it about you.” 

Offering Unsolicited Opinions

“Guests need to understand that the couple has spent a year planning this one day, carefully considering every detail,” Norwood says. “Your last-minute suggestions about what would have made more sense or how you would have done things are just rude.” Estrada agrees: “As my mother always says, ‘If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.’ Your feedback before and after the wedding is not needed. Unless you have rave reviews, [being] polite is saying nothing at all.”

Bringing Drama to the Wedding

“If there are unresolved family or social tensions, a wedding is not the place to let them play out,” Lyons says. “The day is about the couple—not old grudges or awkward dynamics. If you cannot keep things civil, it may be time to reconsider and sit this one out.” Other ways in which you might cause drama: talking about the couple’s previous relationships, asking how much they spent on the wedding, or making inappropriate jokes. Use common sense when it comes to your conversations.

Drinking Too Much 

“Weddings are a celebration, and with an open bar, it’s easy to get carried away,” Lyons says. “However, being the guest who has to be carried out is not a good look. Drink responsibly and pace yourself—no one wants to be the story people remember for the wrong reasons.” 

Bringing Large Gifts 

While this likely won’t get you ousted from the friendship, it’s a matter of convenience for the couple. “Gifts are acceptable to bring to a wedding, as long as they are easily transported home,” Estrada says. “If it is larger than a shoe box or gift bag, it should probably be sent ahead or after.” Registries are created for a reason (and, for that matter, please stick to them). “Bringing gifts to the event can create logistical challenges for the couple, especially if they’re traveling or trying to manage items at the venue,” Lyons says. “By sending gifts in advance or after the celebration, the couple can enjoy their day without worrying about remembering packages on their way out.” If you do opt to ship something to them, send your present within three months of their big day.