Key Takeaways
- Not all soulmates are romantic partners; they can also be friends or people who share a purpose with you.
- Meeting your soulmate can happen at any age, and even a brief encounter might impact your life's direction.
- You might not always be in a relationship with your soulmate, as they can pass through your life unexpectedly.
Though the idea of meeting a soulmate might be the glorious stuff of rom-coms, it does happen for real-life, everyday people, too. And sure, while your own initial connection with a soulmate might not be as fantastical as the meet-cutes you see in television and movies, trust us when we say that it can absolutely still be the real deal. After all, as family and marital psychologist Dr. Michael Tobin puts it, meeting your soulmate is simply “the realization that this person who shares your life is a part of yourself."
Dr. Tobin goes on to say: “A soulmate is an individual that has a lasting impact on your life. Your soulmate is your fellow traveler on the journey of life—you need one another to grow beyond the limitations of your individual selves.” Meaning, this type of connection isn't always with a romantic partner, though it certainly could be.
Meet the Expert
Dr. Michael Tobin is a family and marital psychologist with over 40 years of experience. He is the author of a memoir and the founder of WholeFamily.com.
Here, we dive into exactly what a soulmate is, the different types of soulmates that exist, and the surefire signs that you've found your match.
What Is a Soulmate?
A soulmate is someone who you feel deeply connected to, but not in a dependent or needy way, shares Dr. Tobin. He also explains that the guiding principle of a soulmate relationship is that the needs of each person are equally met. “Love isn’t delivered to us because we believe we deserve it. We must work at being loving and then we’ll receive love in return," he adds. With all this in mind, anything other than these defining factors may indicate you're not in a soulmate partnership.
The 6 Types of Soulmates
Not all soulmate connections are the stuff of life-long romance. Here, we explain six different types to look out for when assessing the relationships in your life.
Romantic Soulmates
“Romantic soulmates ignite one another’s passion throughout their time together,” explains Dr. Tobin. “They have the capacity to bring one another to heights of physical and emotional pleasure.” It's also important to note that the passion within this type of soulmate connection is able to withstand all ups and downs. “Passion can be a brief flame that burns hot and then extinguishes. For those rare romantic soulmates, the flame burns continuously because they’re both committed to keeping the fire lit throughout their time together," shares Dr. Tobin.
Soul Partners
Has it been years since you connected with a friend from elementary school, but when you do, you just click? “A soul partner is that person who you haven’t seen in years, and when you reunite, feel like time and separation have no bearing on the depth of the connection,” explains Dr. Tobin.
Karmic Soulmates
You know you’ve met a karmic soulmate when you’re in sync about common purposes. “You’re both here together to make a difference in the world, and your skills complement one another—you’re ideal partners to fulfill a shared mission.” This kind of relationship doesn’t require love or intimacy— instead, it relies on putting your best selves forward to achieve something that matters.
Companion Soulmates
This is the yin to your yang, the peanut butter to your jelly—you get it. “Friends are an essential part of our lifetime journey, and those of the soulmate type help us laugh when we’re in pain, nurture us when we’re suffering, flow with us when we’re riding high, challenge us to be real, love us with our warts, and never abandon us in anger. And we do the same with them.”
Kindred Soulmates
You know you’ve found a kindred soulmate when you pretty much agree on all of the small and big stuff. “You love the same things; laugh at the same jokes; agree and disagree with love and affection; compete with gusto but without bitterness or jealousy. These people share the same journey toward truth and love,” Dr. Tobin says.
Soul Contracts
This is an interesting type of soulmate because it’s when two people are bound by a common commitment to speak the truth, be emotionally open with one another, own up to deceits, and be authentic. A soul contract might look like a married couple where one spouse cheated, but they stay together—not for the kids or appearances, but because there’s a deep law of attraction pulling them together for their lifetime.
If you’re curious about what to do if you feel like you’ve experienced a ships-in-the-night experience, Dr. Tobin suggests embracing it because it may actually have been what he says is known as a “soul crossing.” He explains that this is a brief encounter with someone who crosses our path and has a lasting impact on the direction we choose in life.
How to Know You've Met Your Soulmate
The signs you’ve met your soulmate are kind of infinite and can vary depending on the type of soulmate match. However, here are two common signs that indicate you've met your match—whether romantic or platonic.
They Give You a Sense of Calm and Storm
Dr. Tobin shares that a sense of both calm and storm is an indicator you've met your soulmate. “Sometimes a soulmate is here to shake us out of complacency, to challenge us to think and to act differently, to grow beyond our comfort zones," he explains. "This is never smooth and peaceful. Yet with that same soulmate, there are and will be moments of exquisite connection, serenity, and harmony.”
You Feel One Another's Pain
Another sign you’ve met your match is the way you react to their pain. “It’s hard to imagine soulmates who don’t bleed with one another, who don’t feel one another’s pain, who are absent of empathy and compassion,” Dr. Tobin says. "Soulmates may be like two strands of spaghetti entangled in such a way that they don’t know where one begins and the other ends."
FAQ
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Dr. Tobin says that there isn’t a perfect age or life stage for discovering your soulmate—and that's exciting news, as you can forge a deeper, richer connection with another person at any stage in the game. “I know a 74-year-old woman who reconnected with her high school flame after a 56-year separation. She calls him her soulmate. They were meant to be together during the later years of their lives," he shares.
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According to Dr. Tobin, yes, this is possible. In fact, you may have met your soulmate on a vacation, subway stop, or that time in the rain when a stranger invited you to share an umbrella—but didn’t realize it at the time.
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“I believe everyone could discover their soulmate," answers Dr. Tobin. "However, to find your soulmate, you must first understand that humans are not meant to be alone and that the purpose of a relationship is not merely to get our individual needs met—but rather as a challenge to grow—and to help our partners reach their potential.”
