How to (Politely!) Ask for Money as a Wedding Gift

There has been a lot of chat lately about money as a wedding gift: how much guests should give, the etiquette, the expense etc, so we are returning again to this evergreen topic, as it is a conversation that runs and runs. Below, we've broken down the hows of asking for money for a wedding gift? - but for more on the topic (and to hear some lively chat!) do tune into our podcast chat with Katie Byrne from The Independent on The Money Talks, catch up with Andrea Gilligan on Newstalk as well as with Damien Tiernan on WLRFM).

When it comes to wedding invitation wording, and the information that appears on your wedding website, there are subtle and polite ways to make this suggestion to your guests - keep reading to find out what they are!

Wedding Card Box by State of Elliot

But First, a Note on Asking for Cash for your Wedding

The subject of wedding gifts is always a controversial one, and we can see why. Guests want to be able to freely choose the gift they give, and might find it rude to be told that one kind of gift is preferred over another. That said, couples these days have really good reasons for preferring cash over physical gifts. (If you're wondering how much cash is appropriate to gift we have a handy post on that too here!)

For one thing, many engaged couples already live together, so the homeware items that were once so popular as wedding gifts, aren't practical. There are also on-the-day logistics to think of, and the fact that couples often end up receiving the same gift multiple times. In theory, we can all agree that, if someone is kind enough to give you a gift, what they choose should be up to them. But if a couple is expecting a lot of gifts, we think it's only fair that they should be able to provide a little polite guidance on the kind of gifts that would be most suitable.

Wedding Gifts Printable by The Sundae Creative

How do I Ask for Money for a Wedding Gift? Four Options

1. Address it on your wedding invitations. This involves including a line on your wedding invitations around gifting or having a 'wishing well'. This is probably the most direct option on our list, so it's the one that would probably yield the best results. It's not an option for the faint of heart, but, if phrased carefully (more on that below!), it doesn't have to sound presumptuous.
2. Address it on your wedding website. Your wedding website is essentially a place to answer any questions that your guests may have about your wedding day, that haven't already been answered on the invitations. This means it's an ideal place to mention gifts, but it's worth remembering that not all guests will actually visit the website. If you go this route, we recommend setting up an FAQ page. This way, it looks like you're addressing the issue of gifts because you've already gotten some questions about it, so it feels a little less direct than a line on a wedding invitation. Keep scrolling for suggestions on how to phrase this.
3. Ask friends or family members to spread the word. This is another popular option, but it's a risky one, as it doesn't give the couple much control. It might work if, for example, you know your Mam is good at subtly dropping things into conversation, and you're mostly expecting physical gifts from that side of the family. On the other hand, if it's not handled delicately by the friend or family member in question, you could end up inadvertently offending your guests.
4. Set up a honeymoon/house deposit/home improvement fund with a gift registry service. Some gift registry services offer an option to set up a gifting fund, where guests can contribute money to a particular purchase that the couple is planning to make, for example, a honeymoon, a deposit for a house, or improvements to their home. In some cases, you'll have to register for a few gifts as well, but this is still an option worth exploring if you think you're going to have a lot of unwanted physical gifts on your hands.

Our Wish Wedding Stationery Insert by Rebel Reflect

How do I Ask for Money for a Wedding Gift? Sample Phrases:

We've come up with a few options that you might like to use if you're planning to go for option 1, 2 or 4 above. These range from the direct to the subtle, from the formal to the informal, so we hope there's an option here that will work for you!

• Your presence at our wedding is the greatest gift of all. However, if you wish to honour us with a gift, a cash gift would be very welcome.
• The most important thing to us is that you are able to celebrate with us on our wedding day. However, if you wish to give a gift, we will gratefully accept a small contribution towards our honeymoon. 
• We are extremely lucky to have love, laughter and house full of furniture, so if you'd like to help us celebrate with a gift, we've set up a honeymoon fund at (details here).
• Cash gifts are welcome but not expected.
• Cash gifts are welcome but not expected, and will be put towards our honeymoon.
• Cash gifts are welcome if you'd like to contribute to our honeymoon. But your presence on the day is what's most important to us.
• Your presence at our wedding is gift enough, but, should you wish to give a gift as well, a cash gift to put towards our honeymoon would be greatly appreciated.

Wedding Wishes Signage by The Small Things Company | Photo by Kas Richards

How do I Ask for Money for a Wedding Gift? Sample Wedding Gift Poems

Some couples like to use poems to take some of the sting out of asking for cash gifts. These don't always strike the best note - they can come across as a bit forward or cheeky - but we found a few examples that we think work well. Or, you could get creative and write your own!

• If a gift is on your mind,
  A contribution would kind.
  It will help us more than words can say,
• To celebrate our special day!
• If a gift is your intention,
• We thought that we would mention,
  We'd love some pennies to rub together,
• To save for something we will treasure!
• As we’ve lived together for a year or two,
  We really don’t need anything new.
  But if you were thinking of getting us a small wedding gift,
  Some money for our future wouldn’t go amiss.
• As we’re getting married, we thought it would be great,
  To move into a brand new home — we really cannot wait!
  As wedding gifts are bulky and we’re a little short on space,
  Some money would be the ideal gift to help us buy our place!
• We know it’s not traditional
  It’s not the way it’s done
  But instead of a wedding gift
  We’d like a bit of sun!

Printable Honeymoon Wishes Card by Black Bow Studio

How do I Ask for Money for a Wedding Gift? Sample FAQs for your Wedding Website

Any of the above phrases can be used on a wedding website FAQ, the question being "What about gifts?" But we wanted to share few more ideas for how to subtly imply that physical gifts aren't ideal. Do bear in mind, though, that these options are pretty indirect, so your guests may not pick up on your message. You can also read our post on how to store cards on your wedding day.

• Are you signed up with a wedding registry service? No, we are very lucky to have everything we need for our home already.
• Who should I give my card to? The best man will be accepting cards on the day on our behalf.
• Should I bring my card with me, or send it in advance? We will have an area set aside on the day where you can safely deposit your card.
• Where should I send a card or gift? The best man will be accepting cards on the day on our behalf.
• Should we bring gifts on the day, or send them ahead of time? As space at the venue is limited, there won't be a table for gifts on the day. However, the best man will be accepting cards on the day on our behalf.
• Will there be a gift table? There won't be a table for gifts on the day. However, the best man will be accepting cards on our behalf.

Still got questions? You'll find them in our ultimate guide to wedding invitation wording here plus a handy post on How Much Cash Should You Give as a Gift?