Whether you're planning a weekend full of wedding events or keeping things relatively simple, your celebration will likely kick off with a rehearsal dinner, a party that occurs immediately following your ceremony rehearsal. Traditionally, this intimate affair is planned and hosted by the parents of the groom. However, many modern couples often opt to organize this gathering themselves—or involve other family members in the process. And while, typically, you and your partner's families, the members of your wedding party, and any out-of-town guests are invited to such an event, know that the final guest list is ultimately up to you.
For some contemporary pairs, instead of a sit-down meal, they've opted to transform their rehearsal dinner into a memorable event, turning to custom décor, a specialized menu, and a showstopping venue. However, other duos gravitate toward a more laid-back approach, booking food trucks or their favorite local restaurant for the occasion. Ultimately, choose the aesthetic that feels the most authentic to you and your soon-to-be spouse.
Meet the Expert
- Layne Povey is the principal designer and planner at The Lynden Lane Co., a California-based wedding and event design and planning boutique.
- Sunna Yassin is the owner of Bash Please, a full-service creative event production company with studios in Los Angeles and San Francisco.
Ready to start planning your own rehearsal dinner? Here, two experts answer the top etiquette questions for this key event—and share a step-by-step guide to planning such a gathering. Read on for everything you need to know.
8 Rehearsal Dinner Etiquette Questions, Answered
While rehearsal dinners may be part of the wedding weekend, they come with their own set of etiquette rules. Here are answers to the most common questions couples have about this pre-wedding event.
Who throws the rehearsal dinner?
While the groom's parents traditionally plan and host this pre-wedding event, that's not always the case for modern couples. "In years past, it was expected that the groom's family hosted and threw the rehearsal dinner, but today, it can be the couple themselves or either of the couple's families," says Layne Povey, the principal designer and planner at The Lynden Lane Co. "Sometimes it will even be a mix of all parties." If you have specific ideas for what you'd like this event to look like, taking control of the planning process might be the right decision for you.
Who pays for the rehearsal dinner?
Under the traditional assumption that the bride's family is footing the bill for the wedding, general etiquette suggests the groom's side organize and pay for the rehearsal dinner. However, in modern times, finances, etiquette, and tradition have expanded and changed, so such an arrangement may not make sense for you, your partner, and your respective families.
For all couples, a general rule is to have an open and honest discussion, similar to that of who's footing the wedding bill, about your plans, budget, and hopes with both families to ensure a drama- and stress-free rehearsal dinner.
Who gets invited to the rehearsal dinner?
Generally speaking, you should invite "immediate family members, the wedding party, their guests, and sometimes out-of-town guests if they've traveled a long way," to this event Povey says. Additionally, you may consider adding your officiant and any readers or ushers to the guest list for this pre-nuptial gathering. Depending on how large your families and wedding party are, that can add up to a sizable crowd. Beyond that, some couples also opt to invite extended family members, as well as their ring bearer and flower girl.
What's the best way to invite guests to the rehearsal dinner?
While everyone coming to your rehearsal dinner should receive some kind of invitation, it doesn't have to be a formal printed iteration. For this event, an online invitation or phone call is perfectly acceptable. "We like to include the invite with the main invitation suite so that the design is cohesive," adds Sunna Yassin, the owner of Bash Please.
When do you send rehearsal dinner invitations?
As with any organized event, guests should be informed of the occasion four to six weeks prior to the date. While it may seem obvious to you who is and isn't invited, know that rehearsal-dinner guest lists cannot be assumed, as some couples opt to only include immediate family members, and others invite nearly half their wedding guest list. As a result, let your loved ones know in a timely and considerate fashion.
Photo by Erika Delgado Photography
When do you throw the rehearsal dinner?
For traditional Saturday weddings, rehearsal dinners are most often hosted on the wedding's eve, directly after rehearsing the wedding ceremony. However, couples that don't have an actual rehearsal often opt to still celebrate such an occasion with a dinner or gathering. If you're tying the knot on a Sunday or Friday, such a dinners can be hosted the Thursday, Friday, or Saturday prior.
Where should the rehearsal dinner be held?
Proximity is key. Aim to have your rehearsal dinner celebration within 20 or so miles of the hotel where your guests are staying or near the actual venue where your ceremony is taking place. Keep in mind that guests are traveling to celebrate your weekend, so they shouldn't be expected to travel more than 45 minutes to the rehearsal dinner. Wherever possible, it's always appreciated if you provide clear directions—or even transportation.
How formal should the rehearsal dinner be?
Your rehearsal dinner can be as formal or informal as you like, depending on your budget and desires. Many couples try to keep the rehearsal dinner on theme with the wedding, which ensures that this celebration feels like an extension of the big day itself. "Sometimes, when the couple is having a really traditional wedding, they want an equally traditional rehearsal dinner to set the tone," Povey says. "Sometimes, though, they want to have something that feels more relaxed and easy. There are no rules. We have done fantastic rehearsal dinners where the guests never sat down and music played all night."
How to Plan a Rehearsal Dinner: 10 Steps to Follow
Ready to plan a wedding rehearsal dinner? We've taken the guesswork out of the planning process and broken it all down into these simple 10 steps. Read on to see them all.
1. Decide Who Will Host
Traditionally, the groom's parents take care of the rehearsal dinner, but these days, anything goes. If both sets of parents are splitting the cost of the wedding, then perhaps you and your partner may want to pay for the rehearsal dinner. Talk with your significant other and your parents to find the best solution for your situation.
2. Choose a Fun Theme
Kick off the wedding weekend in a festive way by incorporating a theme into your rehearsal dinner. You can build the party around your cultural background or play up the location of your nuptials.
Choose a theme that's unique to you and your partner's interests. Consider an outdoor barbecue, a seaside bonfire with s'mores, or a backyard affair featuring your favorite food trucks.
3. Pick a Unique Location
Whether you decide on a favorite family restaurant or a place that has sentimental value, you definitely have options. "We love a rehearsal dinner that is intimately held at a family home," Povey says. "Or, if your wedding venue is at a hotel, consider spots in the hotel that are more unique than the traditional wedding locations. Around the pool of the hotel, in a charming bar, or even a large guest suite with a view."
4. Create the Guest List.
The rehearsal-dinner guest list typically includes close family members and anyone participating in the wedding ceremony (including your officiant), plus their spouses or plus-ones. It's also considerate to invite your out-of-town guests to the festivities. However, if you end up with a long list of people to include, you can keep costs down by serving only cocktails and hors d'oeuvres instead of a sit-down meal.
5. Consider Timing
The rehearsal dinner is traditionally held the night before the wedding, most often on a Friday. Usually, the ceremony rehearsal begins around 5:30 p.m. and typically lasts about 30 to 45 minutes. The dinner takes place immediately after the rehearsal, around 7 p.m. For a Sunday or holiday wedding, you have a few more options. If most attendees won't be arriving until late on the eve of your wedding, know that a breakfast celebration on the morning of the wedding is also a possibility.
6. Plan Your Menu
Whether you plan on hosting the rehearsal dinner at your favorite restaurant or a banquet hall (in which case, you'll need to hire catering), be sure to get your menu finalized early on in the planning stages. When in doubt, consider serving up hometown favorites as a way of introducing out-of-town guests to the local cuisine.
7. Plan to Pass the Mic
While it's customary for the host to welcome guests at the beginning of the party, some of your loved ones may also want to give a quick toast. Yassin encourages couples to "pick an emcee for the evening who can oversee all of the toasts and speeches." You and your partner should also plan on making short speeches yourselves—either after the host does or just before the evening ends.
8. Give Gifts to the Wedding Party
The rehearsal dinner is the traditional time to present gifts to members of your wedding party (especially if the gifts are items you'd like them to wear during the wedding). You and your partner may also use this time to thank your parents for their love, guidance, and support, giving a gift of appreciation to them.
9. Take Care of Any Last-Minute Reminders
Before the dinner comes to an end, take a moment to slip in any announcements about the big day. Double-check that everyone in the wedding party knows what items they're supposed to bring—and when and where they're expected to arrive to get ready. If you have a larger audience, remind guests about any activities for them the next day, as well as any pick-up times and locations for transportation you've arranged to get them to and from the ceremony.
10. Remember to Have Fun
After you and your partner have worked so hard to plan your wedding together, you deserve to enjoy this evening with each other and your loved ones. Even if something goes awry, try to savor the opportunity to spend this pre-nuptial night with your family and friends.
