Key Takeaways
- A groomsman faced nearly $4,000 in costs for a destination wedding, including flights, hotel, and unexpected event fees.
- The couple’s $200-per-event fee for off-site guests added financial stress, leaving the groomsman feeling resentful and conflicted.
- Open communication about financial boundaries can help balance supporting loved ones while managing personal expenses.
It’s an honor to be asked to be a part of a loved one’s wedding party. Whether it’s your sibling, college roommate, or childhood friend, knowing that that person wants you next to them as they say “I do” to their future spouse demonstrates how much your relationship means to them. However, this role can also come with a financial burden. Between attending pre-wedding events, such as a bachelor or bachelorette party, purchasing attire for the big day, and booking travel, the cost of the role can be over $1,000. For one groomsman, the expenses were even higher, with flights, a hotel, and additional fees totaling almost $4,000.
The man detailed his frustration over the costs in a post on Reddit’s “Wedding” subreddit. “One of my best friends is getting married in Costa Rica next July, and I’m honored to have been asked to be a groomsman,” he wrote. “I like him and his fiancée very much, and I’m genuinely excited to celebrate this big moment with them.” However, the anticipated costs are making it challenging for him to attend the nuptials. “The invitations just went out, and the all-inclusive resort (similar to a Grand Velas) they’ve chosen is $1,200 per night for a couple,” the Redditor wrote. “With the welcome party on Thursday and the wedding on Saturday, guests are expected to stay at least three nights. Flights from New Jersey, where we live, average about $700 per person round trip.” While the couple is offering to cover one night of his hotel stay, the costs still total just under $4,000—without including transportation to the airport, luggage fees, or the Redditor’s tuxedo.
Even if the OP opts to stay at a different hotel—and save a few dollars—he and his partner will still have to pay to attend the affair. “Their wedding website mentions that if guests don’t stay at the resort, they’ll have to pay an event fee—$200 per person per event, which comes to $600 for my wife and me to attend the welcome party, ceremony, and reception,” he wrote. “This means that guests who don’t stay at the resort are essentially being asked to cover the food and beverages for the wedding. Personally, I find this a little off-putting. I believe that, traditionally, the bride and groom cover their wedding costs, and I’m struggling with the idea of guests being asked to pay for that.”
Ultimately, the details have caused him to feel stressed over the affair—and upset with his friends. “I feel a bit resentful that the financial burden of their wedding is being pushed onto the guests,” the OP wrote. “If they want a destination wedding in Costa Rica, that’s fine, but I don’t think it’s fair to ask guests to shoulder the costs for their food and drinks on top of flights and accommodations.” While the user said he decided that he ultimately does want to attend the celebration, he added that he doesn’t want to stay at the chosen resort or pay additional fees. “I also want my friend and his fiancée to have the wedding experience they envision without dampening the mood by bringing up financial concerns,” he wrote. “How can I approach this with my friend in a way that’s honest but still supportive? I want to respect their choices while being clear about my boundaries.”
While the OP seemingly decided to attend the nuptials, other users on the internet said they would be quick to decline such an invitation due to the high fees. “If they want an expensive destination wedding then one of the choices that they’re making is that they either have to pay for people to be there with them, or run the risk of them not being there,” one Redditor commented. “It’s unreasonable to force an expensive compulsory holiday on people. People can either have all their friends there, or hold a wedding in an expensive resort. Not both.” Others gave more concrete advice to the OP, encouraging him to be transparent with his friend about his financial concerns. “Really, just be honest this is too much, and you can't,” one person said. “I think everyone needs to stand up against this nonsense.”
