The maid of honor (or matron of honor, if she's already married) is the bride's right hand on the wedding day, but her job begins well before then. At its core, the role of maid of honor is to support the bride throughout the wedding planning process and on the big day; she is also responsible for keeping track of the bridesmaids and helping to ensure the wedding runs smoothly. In years past, the maid of honor's role was a little more defined—she hosted the bridal shower, planned the bachelorette party, and gave a speech at the wedding; now, her responsibilities tend to be a bit more varied.
While every maid of honor's exact wedding duties will be based on the bride's specific needs, there are several tasks required of this special position, and that's true no matter the type of event that's being planned. Here, with the expertise of wedding planner Betsy Krug, the co-owner and event director at Rebecca Rose Events, we put together a comprehensive list of modern-day maid-of-honor duties this VIP needs to be prepared to take on.
Photo by Kurt Boomer
Who Is the Maid of Honor?
The title of maid of honor—or matron of honor for a woman who is already married—traditionally went to the bride's sister or a close female family member, today, brides have free reign to ask anyone to be a "maid of honor" on the big day. Nonetheless, this role should be designated to a person who is close to the bride, and to someone who will have the time and energy to complete every task throughout the entire wedding journey.
Brides
Maid of Honor Duties in the Months Leading Up to a Wedding
Being asked to be a maid of honor is an exciting recognition, but it's important to consider the work associated with this role before accepting the title. What comes as a surprise to most women is that the job begins long before the big day. Your first and most important duty will be to support the bride, and that should happen throughout the planning process. "The maid of honor should walk a fine line of being supportive, not overwhelming," says Krug. "As the maid of honor, you know your friend, the bride, better than anyone else. After being asked, the maid of honor should initiate a conversation with the bride to discuss how best she can support her during the wedding-planning process. Be open about personalities and decide if the bride will delegate and ask for help, or if [you] should periodically check in and offer support without being prompted. Discuss the level of involvement and support upfront, and be mindful of relationships the bride may need to navigate with family."
Check-In With the Bridal Party
Once the bridal party has been established, the maid of honor should connect the group by email or via text. This is a great opportunity for bridal party members to get to know each other if they don't already. You can also use this initial conversation to inquire about budget constraints (for both bridesmaids' dresses and the bachelorette party) and any blackout dates to avoid when organizing events like the bridal shower.
Go Wedding Dress Shopping
Joining the bride as she shops for a wedding dress is one your biggest duties as the maid of honor. It's your job to serve as a trusted sounding board, offering your honest (but respectful!) opinion on the gowns she tries. You may also need to run interference during the appointment, advocating for the bride's preferences and needs and shutting down any unwelcome feedback from other guests.
Serve as the Main Point of Contact and Mediator
Absorb as much wedding information as you can, and let the other bridesmaids, the bride and groom's family members, and even guests know they should turn to you with any questions they may have. This will save the couple a lot of time and will minimize the stress of responding to text messages and emails about where and when events are taking place.
As the maid of honor, you'll also be in charge of maintaining peace among the bridal party. On top of that, you'll be assigning tasks concerning any pre-wedding events and answering any questions the bridesmaids may have regarding the wedding-day itinerary. Let everyone know they can come to you directly with any questions, comments, or concerns, and only involve the bride if you don't have a solution to their requests.
Plan the Bridal Shower and Bachelorette Party
In the modern world of weddings, more and more mothers of the bride are taking on the task of planning the bridal shower—in the past, it was a responsibility that fell squarely to the bridal party, largely because people worried it looked like a gift grab if the bride's mom organized it. Even if you're not formally hosting it, you should support the bride's mother (or whoever else is hosting!) with planning tasks and during the event itself. You may be tasked with specific jobs, like ordering signage and decorations or helping to choose the menu; be sure to offer support early and often!
Where you'll certainly lead the charge? Planning the bachelorette party, which is a big duty for a maid of honor. "Plan a bachelorette party that you know the bride will love and enjoy. Don't feel pressure to create an event just to be social media worthy," Krug says. Start by asking the bride-to-be if she has any preferences for the event—say, a weekend-long getaway or a low-key stay at a family vacation home—then work with the rest of the group to determine potential dates, budgets, and plans. You'll be responsible for booking accommodations, planning activities, and making sure everyone feels included.
Before deciding when and where the bridal shower and bachelorette party will take place, ask the bride for a list of dates they're available. Then, send out an online survey to the bridal party so you can gauge when the most people will be available to attend.
Keep Track of Gifts Received
If the bride decides to open gifts at the bridal shower, you're responsible for keeping track of who gave what—the best bet is to write this down in a notebook as she's opening or keep track on a virtual spreadsheet. If she doesn't open gifts at the shower, offer to go back to her place after the event to keep create the list while she and her partner open gifts in private.
It will be immensely helpful for the bride to have a list to look back at when she goes to create thank-you notes.
Prepare a Wedding Survival Kit
For every wedding event you attend, bring along a pack of bridesmaid essentials like Advil, Band-Aids, hair ties, safety pins, and other last-minute, mini-emergency items that are frequently needed. This may not seem like a big deal now, but it will certainly come in handy should any emergencies arise.
Lend a Hand With DIY Projects
Check-in to see if the couple needs help with any wedding-related projects; they might appreciate help packing and addressing wedding invitations or making centerpieces or favors. Offer to make a night of it, bringing over the couple's favorite snacks and drinks.
Prepare a Speech for the Reception
As the maid of honor, you'll be asked to give a speech at the reception. Though it can be fun and lighthearted, it shouldn't be mean-spirited or embarrassing. Start jotting down ideas months before the wedding, then spend a few weeks before the big day finessing it and putting everything together. In general, aim for a speech that's three to five minutes long, avoid too many inside jokes that other guests won't understand, and keep it positive.
Photo by Stories Matter
Maid of Honor Duties on the Wedding Day
Once you've completed all your pre-wedding tasks, your role as maid of honor will be put to the test for the main event. Luckily, the duties aren't too labor-intensive and will only require you to be highly attentive on the big day. Keep reading to learn more.
Print a Copy of the Schedule and Help Keep Everyone Moving
While the couple might have a planner or coordinator to take the helm when it comes to the wedding-day timeline, you should plan to help keep the day moving. It's your job to know when each bridesmaid is having her hair and makeup done, when the photographer will arrive, and when everyone needs to be dressed and ready. Think of yourself kind of like a wedding morning traffic cop.
Tidy the Bridal Suite
No, you're not responsible for giving the room a deep clean in your gown, but you should make sure all the bridesmaids remove their belongings from the bridal suite once they're done getting ready. This ensures the newlyweds don't return to a messy room at the end of the night. If the room needs more attention than just that, make sure to call down to housekeeping or let the venue manager know.
Provide Emotional Support
Your role should be to keep the bride as calm as possible by providing emotional support. "Weddings are an emotional time. A bride designates her maid or matron of honor as her most cherished confidant to share in all the emotions of planning and celebrating a wedding," Krug says. You should be by her side throughout the wedding morning, tell her how beautiful she looks, and share how much you're looking forward to watching her become a bride. If any negative emotions arise or if a challenging family member or friend is trying to bring the bride down, you'll need to step in.
It's also important to help her soak up this special day and to make it memorable. Keep the energy up by popping a bottle of Champagne while getting ready, playing fun, uplifting music, and having a toast with the entire bridal party before the ceremony.
Help Her Get Dressed and With Any Outfit Changes
Assisting the bride into the most expensive and elaborate gown she'll ever wear is no easy task. Make it a little simpler on you both by laying everything out in advance—from undergarments to shoes to jewelry—so there's no last-minute scrambling to find those heirloom earrings or an extra pair of pantyhose. You'll also be responsible for bustling her dress later in the evening—be sure to discuss when she wants to do this and practice it at the bridal salon in advance. If she will be changing into a second look, you should accompany her to her room for that outfit swap, too.
Another important job? Help her in and out of the restroom. This isn't the most glamorous task, but the bride will appreciate it, especially if she's wearing a gown with a full skirt or heavy embellishment.
Keep the Bride Hydrated and Fed
Between the busy schedule and big-day nerves, it's easy to understand how a bride could forget to eat and drink on the big day. As her maid of honor, you should keep her well-being top of mind. Offer her sips of water while she's getting ready, make her a light yet fueling breakfast plate, and continue to offer snacks and drinks throughout the day. Sure, you can also bring her a flute of bubbly or her signature cocktail, but prioritizing hydrating drinks and sustenance-filled bites if key.
Another important task? Watching her alcohol intake. Yes, the bride is a grown woman who can determine when she's had enough to drink, but it can be hard to keep track of half-drank flutes of Champagne and sips of signature drinks when you're being pulled left and right for photos, onto the dance floor, and to chat with guests. Keep an eye on how many drinks she's having and make sure she eats and drinks enough water to keep her feeling her best.
Gather Groups for Photos
As the maid of honor, it's safe to assume you know most every other key player at the wedding. That's why you'll support the couple—and their photographer—when it comes time to organizing groups for photos. Review the list of group photos with the couple ahead of the big day and flag anyone you don't know yet. They'll be able to show you photos or let you know where that guest will be seated so you can plan ahead.
Give Your Reception Speech
Whether you've been looking forward to it or dreading it, the time has officially come for you to give your wedding speech. Be sure to slow down (you're talking a lot faster than you think!), enunciate, and smile; at the end of the day, not everyone will remember what you said, but the couple will remember how your words made them—and their guests—feel.
Have Fun
You've been by her side throughout the entire wedding journey, so you deserve to have some fun together! Be sure to grab her for at least one special dance and make a concerted effort to hit the dance floor as often as possible—other guests will feed off your energy.
