While the end result will be absolutely beautiful, weddings require a lot of strategic work along the way. That's why many couples choose to designate people to stand by their sides to help them with the process of planning their big day. For grooms, in particular, this person is the best man.
Similar to a maid of honor (or a person of honor), the role of the best man typically comes with specific duties. In general, the best man is meant to serve as the groom's right hand, lightening the his workload before, during, and after the wedding and supporting him with tasks along the way. If you've been asked to serve as a family member or friend's best man and are wondering exactly which tasks are required of you in this special role, we've put together a guide to help you keep track of your responsibilities. To make things simple, we've outlined everything a best man should know and do leading up to, on the day of, and after the wedding.
Photo by Getty Images / Design by Brides
Who Is the Best Man?
The best man is the groom's right hand throughout the planning process and on the day of the wedding. While there are no set rules on who can be the best man, this role is often given to a groom's brother, close relative, or best friend. "It's usually a sibling or best friend, but we've definitely seen other family members, such as a son or father, in that role," says Kate Ryan, co-founder of Gold Leaf Events. And while the exact person a groom selects is a personal choice, the duties of a best man are more set in stone. In the event that the groom's closest family member or friend isn't another man, this role might be referred to as a best person instead.
Meet the Expert
Kate Ryan is the co-founder of Gold Leaf Events, an event design and production company with offices in Aspen, Colorado, and New York City.
Photo by Jose Villa
A Best Man's Pre-Wedding Responsibilities
The best man is typically in charge of planning and organizing the bachelor party and serving as a point of contact for everyone on the groom's side (including groomsmen and family members), but there are other small tasks that will end up on this person's plate, too—and these begin well before the wedding day. Though every wedding is different and should be personalized to suit the couple's exact needs, other jobs might include collecting money from the other groomsmen and purchase a gift for the groom, help the groom and groomsmen to pick out their wedding-day attire, and holding the rings during the ceremony.
Join the Groom to Shop for His Attire (and Help Select the Groomsmen's Looks)
In most cases, the best man is in charge of supporting the groom with all wedding attire needs. You should plan to join him as he shops for his attire and offer helpful, constructive feedback about the options.
You'll also help with final suit selections for the groomsmen and other important family members. If the rest of the wedding party will be renting their attire, it's going to be your job to ensure everyone placed their orders and that their looks arrive on time (and fit correctly). According to Ryan, the best man may even opt to put together emergency kits for the groomsmen, with items such as extra cufflinks, shoe polish, or an extra tie to be sure everything is in line on the day of.
Organize the Bachelor Party
A bachelor party is an age-old tradition that can come in all shapes and sizes. Whether it's an event on a yacht, a day of golf, or a night out at the club, the best man is typically in charge of planning the whole celebration, while recruiting the other groomsmen to help along the way. "The best [person] is typically the one who takes control of the schedule and any accommodations the bachelor party entails," says Ryan.
Before any planning begins, the best man should consult with the groom in order to host an event that aligns with the groom's wants and wishes.
Coordinate the Groom's Gift
If the groomsmen have decided to get a gift for the groom, the best man often leads the effort by collecting money and choosing the final item. "I've often seen [groom's people] gift the groom a favorite drink of choice, whether it's a vintage bottle of wine or a higher-end bourbon, scotch, or tequila," says Ryan.
Provide Emotional Support
Providing emotional support is one of the most important tasks the best man has during the wedding planning process. It is their duty to patiently listen to the groom's complaints, confessions, and questions without any judgment. It's also their job to reassure their best friend that everything will be okay, and to keep him focused and alert in the moments leading up to the big day.
Photo by Elias Kordelakos
A Best Man's Wedding-Day Responsibilities
Now that you're aware of the all pre-wedding activities, here's a breakdown of everything the best man should do on the morning of the wedding and during the ceremony and reception.
Keep the Groom and Groomsmen on Schedule
Time can certainly get away from you throughout the big day, especially in the moments leading up to the ceremony. That's why the best man is often tasked with keeping an eye on the clock the morning of the wedding, in order to ensure that everyone gets to the venue on time. The best man also helps wrangle the groomsmen throughout the ceremony and is the one to ensure that everyone is at the right place at the right time.
Hold the Wedding Rings
Another vital duty, the best man is often entrusted with holding on to the wedding rings for safekeeping. Generally speaking, you'll also walk the rings down the aisle (very few couples give this job to a ring bearer these days) and present them during the ceremony.
Additionally, this person may be asked to hold things like the groom's cell phone, wallet, vows, and any miscellaneous accessories.
Serve as a Witness
A couple needs two witnesses as they sign their marriage license, and this duty is often reserved for the best man and maid of honor. The best man should always be readily available for this task and should have a backup pen in his pocket in case of any last-minute mishaps.
Kick off the Toasts
If a couple opts to open up the floor for toasts, the best man is often the first to step in. This should be a well-crafted speech that focuses on the newlyweds and their love story.
Keep the Reception Moving
"[For] couples who decide to do a first dance, often the best [person] is the first one out on the dance floor afterward," says Ryan. The best man is also expected to mingle at the reception and ensure everyone is having a great time. They may even dance with the bride, the maid of honor, the mother of the bride, and the mother of the groom during the reception.
The best man should be ready to emcee in a pinch. If the DJ or the band happens to show up late, a good best man will step in and crack a few jokes, get the crowd to the dance floor, and introduce the key players so the party can go on as planned.
Collect Gifts and Hand Out Tips
This will certainly depend on the set-up of the wedding, but the best man can play a helpful role in making sure gifts get to the right place. If there is a specific location the couple would like gifts stored, it's important for the best man to assist in collecting them so guests don't have to run around. What's more, it's also helpful to put the best man in charge of transporting gifts to the newlyweds' home after the wedding.
You may also be asked to hand out tips to vendors during the reception. Be sure to coordinate with the couple ahead of time so that you can have everything in clearly-marked envelopes to make the job easier.
Coordinate and Decorate the Getaway Car
The best man may be asked to help coordinate car transportation for the newlyweds to leave the reception. And while they're at it, they may enlist the help of the whole wedding party to help decorate the getaway car.
FAQ
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Traditionally, there is only one best man at a wedding, but that doesn't mean there can't be more. Some grooms may have two or three depending on their personal preferences.
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The best man should be someone who holds a significant role in the groom's life, like a brother or best friend. They should also be dependable enough to commit to the duties required of the role.
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Of course not! The honor can be given to anyone that befits the role whether that's a best man, best woman, or best person.
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This is a completely personal choice. Some choose to bring it up during a shared favorite activity or drop the information in casual conversation, while others may take a more sentimental approach by writing a card or sending a gift.
