Ceremony Reading: Yes, I'll Marry You by Pam Ayres

We love this tongue-in-cheek poem by British poet and comedian Pam Ayres and it is not hard to see why it has become a firm favourite as a ceremony reading. Not only will it make guests laugh and keep the mood bright, it also offers a lighthearted and honest break from traditional and sometimes overly sentimental vows. So if you're looking for readings that aren't too earnest or serious, you've come to the right place!

The poem highlights the practical and sometimes unglamorous aspects of shared life, such as chores and domestic responsibilities, rather than focusing on abstract, perfect love. This affectionate approach will no doubt resonate with couples looking to celebrate the true nature of long-term partnership.

With a playful structure that leads to an endearing, humorous conclusion, the poem serves as a modern, fun, and memorable celebration of commitment. It concludes with a joyful, fast-paced rush, leaving a lasting and charming impression on all who hear it.

The words are below, and we've also created a useful and pretty print and go download of it too.

Ceremony Reading: Yes, I'll Marry You My Dear by Pam Ayres

Yes, I’ll marry you, my dear, and here’s the reason why;
So I can push you out of bed, when the baby starts to cry,
And if we hear a knocking, and it’s creepy and it’s late,
I hand you the torch to see, and you investigate.

Yes I’ll marry you, my dear, you may not apprehend it,
But when the tumble drier goes, it’s you that has to mend it.
You have to face the neighbour, should our Labrador attack him,
And if a drunkard fondles me, it’s you that has to whack him.

Yes I’ll marry you, you’re virile and you’re lean,
My house is like a pigsty, you can help to keep it clean.
That sexy little dinner, which you served by candlelight,
As I do chipolatas, you can cook it every night!

It’s you who work the drill, and put up curtain track,
And when I’ve got PMT, it’s you who gets the flak,
I do see great advantages, but none of them for you,
And so before you see the light, I do, I do, I do!

We have lots more ideas for funny ceremony readings here and for loads more readings do check out our Essential List of Ceremony readings