Deciding to take the next step with your partner is a big decision. Whether you’ve been dating for seven months or eight years, choosing to spend the rest of your life with them is a monumental commitment. By saying “I do” to each other, you're publicly proclaiming your love and connection in front of all of your friends and family. And while you may assume that nothing drastically changes in your relationship until your partner becomes your spouse, there are a few key shifts to be aware of during the engagement period.
“Getting engaged is a definite change from when you’re just dating because the relationship has now entered a new phase where both [partners] have made the decision to get married,” says Dawn Michael, Ph.D., a relationship expert and certified clinical sexologist. “Not only does it feel different personally, but there is a social aspect to it as well.” The good news? So many of the changes that come along with an engagement are positive ones. Once the flurry of congratulations of social media fades and the photoshoots are done, you’re just there, the two of you—an engaged couple. And as Michael suggests, some of the changes are social, as the world starts to view you and your partner differently. However, ultimately, it’s about the shifts between the two of you that matter the most.
Below, Michael explains the six key shifts that happen after you get engaged—and how to approach each one. Read on for everything you need to know.
Disagreements Feel Heavier
When you’re engaged, every disagreement can feel more weighted. You’ve agreed to spend the rest of your lives together, so any friction that arises in a relationship can feel like a cause for panic. You want to make sure you’re “compatible not only with their personality, but finances, negotiation about decorating a house, and dealing with each other's families,” Michael says. As a result, it’s normal to be feel some pressure. Ultimately, when such a difference arises, try to stay calm and remember that every relationship—even a marriage—will have disagreements and require compromise.
Society Treats You Differently
It may sound old-fashioned, but there’s a definite shift in how society treats you once you get engaged. “Society does treat an engaged couple differently because the couple is showing the world that they intend to be permanent, so others will treat the relationship as more serious and may invest more time into the couple,” Michael says. People are more willing to accept obligations you have to your partner or their family and tend to assume you’re a more well-matched couple, just because you’ve gotten engaged.
People Feel Like They Can Comment
While it can be nice to have your relationship respected by those around you, after you decide to take the next step with your partner, others may also feel empowered to comment on it. They may voice unwanted opinions about the proposal, your upcoming wedding, or even how you and your partner interact. Ultimately, don’t take it to heart. Remember: Your relationship is about what you and your partner want—no matter what everyone else has to say.
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It Can Feel Like a Rehearsal
Some people find their engagement period a bit surreal—like it’s a waiting room for getting married. “I think that an engagement is a rehearsal to the big event (marriage) and an important step in making a more solid commitment to each other,” Michael says. When there’s so much focus on your upcoming nuptials, it can be difficult to stay present. Make sure that you take the time to enjoy the here and now.
It Can Be Downright Joyous
Finally, there’s the fact that it can just be one of the happiest times of your life. One of the best parts about being engaged is that it can be the ultimate honeymoon phase. (Even though it’s, you know, well before the actual honeymoon.) It makes sense: You’ve made a huge commitment to each other, and you're on cloud nine. If wedding-planning stress starts to settle in, take a step back and refocus on what really matters—your love for your partner. At the end of the day, that’s all that truly matters.
It's a Time to Focus on Yourselves
Getting engaged is a huge decision,so it’s no surprise that there’s a definite change in your relationship once you agree to tie the knot. However, you may be surprised to experience a shift in how the rest of the world sees your dynamic. The great part is that most of the changes are positive ones that can ultimately make you feel more intimate and connected to one another. You’re finally understood as a unit—rather than individuals. Yes, an engagement can be a big change, but it’s still all about you and your partner.
